I don’t write about the work/family topic as much as I should. If I wrote about it in proportion to the amount that I think about it, I would have a blog on the subject every day. These are the questions that I most often grapple with:
- Will my children be better or worse off for me having worked during their childhood?
- Will I look back at my life and regret spending all my working hours away from them?
- Do I even have it in me to stay home with them every day?
- Can a teacher at a daycare or preschool teach them more than I can?
- Am I going to have discipline problems with them because their parents aren’t around enough to offer that steady hand?
- Am I a better mother for trying to do it all even if I’m not always successful?
- Will my daughter(s) look up to me and respect me more for working?
- Can I even afford to stay home?
- Am I being selfish for wanting to work?
- Would I become Bree Hodge (formerly Bree Van de Camp) if I stayed home?
I ask myself these questions every single day. Usually multiple times a day. There are times when I think that I’ve absolutely made the right choice, and others when I think that I’m ruining everything, mostly my child. I guess that the most frustrating part is that I’ll never know what the answers are. All I can do is try to achieve the best balance that I can and be flexible in case my family needs me to make a change one way or the other.
I hope that one day Hailey and her yet unborn sibling(s) will read this and understand how difficult the decision is. Well, one day they'll understand because they'll probably go through it themselves. That's a scary thought.
4 comments:
Well your Dad has pretty much covered everything so there isn't much more to say. Always do your best and keep asking the questions. I really don't think its how much time your with your kids everyday its the quality of time, the example you set, the consistency in your rules. After spending time with 21 second graders I can tell you it's not whether the moms work its how they are being raised, the attention they get, the discipline they get at home and the love and respect. Whatever your decisions I know you'll keep a good balance and you'll always be there for Hailey and company. You're a wonderful mom and you'll only get better. You'll always have regrets and guilt you just have to move past it and keep going. I still do at times. You never stop asking what if...
Love mom
Wow! These are the best comments that I've ever had on an entry. And, as a bonus, they make me feel better. I will have big news to report. So, stay tuned!!!
Ok - My turn...I feel the need to add my 2 cents for what it's worth. I've been a stay at home mom and a working mom. Both are difficult but I choose working, and here's why...Although I'm glad I was able to stay at home with the kids during their formative years, (I think ever woman should have that choice) I do regret leaving my career for that length of time. Somehow, by staying at home I think you lose a part of yourself. Your whole world is your kids. That might not be a bad thing, but you forget about yourself, your own needs and dreams. Instead, you start living your life through your kids dreams. Here I am, having been out of the workforce for 10+ years and I'm finding you can't pick up where you left off. I'm starting over at the ripe old age of....well, you know.
I think the key is finding balance. It's not quantity of time you spend with your kids it's quality. Make the most of your time as a family. I think Hailey and the kids to follow will admire your efforts.
From her smiling face, I think you're doing a wonderful job. Hailey may not notice now, but she will...Until then, you've got a circle of people who love you and admire you and are so very proud of you!
since i don't yet have kids (and everyone else has already posted eloquent, serious answers), i would like to offer this: i do not see you ever turning into bree hodge (nee van de kamp) - granted, the red hair may be the same, but i never got a basket of muffins when i moved into the dorm room down the hall, so i think you are safe on that concern. cross it off your list. :)
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