How stubborn can an 18 month old be? At least 20 minutes worth of stubborn! Here’s the story… We are slowly starting to experiment with the “time out” discipline philosophy in our household. Most of what I’ve read says that children can begin to understand the concept around 18 months although they won’t really sit still until closer to 2 years. So, we set up our pack ‘n’ play in the dining room to give Hailey a quiet place to take a time out when she needs one. Last night after throwing an entire bowl of ice on the floor (she was eating the ice…don’t ask me why), I decided that a timeout was in order. Usually, we just put her in the pack ‘n’ play for about a minute or two, she says she’s sorry and it’s over. Last night, however, we made saying “sorry” a prerequisite for getting out of the timeout. That was our first mistake. Hailey did everything but say she was sorry. She danced, she sang, she laid down, she babbled, she cried (a little), etc. We just went on about our business in the living room, but checked in with her ever five minutes or so to see if she was ready. She wasn’t. This went on for about 20 minutes. The child would not say that she was sorry. She knew that saying it would release her, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t believe it. Finally, I decided that enough was enough. It was almost time for bed, and she had more than served her sentence. That’s the last time that we’ll be playing that little game. She’s clearly more stubborn than me (I’ll give Luke more credit). So, I think it’s best if I don’t put myself in a win/lost situation like that again. From now on timeouts will be for a designated time only!
4 comments:
Yes, she's right on schedule for the "testing mommy and daddy's resolve" phase. Just keep at it. My question is: does she really understand the concept of "sorry"? Might it be easier to ask her to say she won't throw a dish of ice again? (I'm not sure how, of course.) On the other hand, it might just be too soon to try "reasoning" with this child. I certainly can appreciate and empathize with your frustration, but I know she'll catch on eventually.
Love
Dad
We've had that same battle time and time again. Sometimes its saying he is sorry, sometimes its picking up the thing that he threw or refused to clean up, and sometimes its agreeing to sit politely at the table until we are finished eating. I think consistency is key when it comes to time out. She'll get it if you keep at it and eventually you can just tell her to go to time out and she will go. Of course mine still occasionally opts to sit there for an extra 20 or 30 minutes because he is testing his boundaries and he repeatedly refuses to do what he is being asked in order to get out of time out. Its a battle of wills but I think so far I still hold the title of most stubborn person in the house. (however we'll see what this new baby and a healthy dose of sleep deprivation does to my resolve!)
I just have to say that it is great having advice coming from the lovely Songer family. With their son several months ahead of Hailey, it's like getting the weather forecast from the west coast and knowing what is headed our way. Good luck with the next one, Katie. I hope you and Chris have another beauty...a daughter this time, maybe?
Grandpa Pete Palmisano
Granted I haven't done this for awhile, but I believe they should sit in time out for 1 minute for every year they are...Hailey would be 1.8 minutes. You should also not use the playpen...Find a corner, sit her in it...if she gets up...put her back...maybe have a timer there to show her when it's ok to leave. Yes she will get up 100 times before she understands it, but she will get it eventually. You think it's bad now, wait til the terrible two's hit, or even worse, puberty!
Now, as her great aunt/grandma I must ask...why are you disciplining that beautiful child? She's just a baby! Tell her to come to my house and I'll bake cookies for her!
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