It’s funny how people react to the prospect of me having two girls. Mostly it’s with sympathy, sometimes laughter. For example, someone said to me today, “You are going to have a lot of drama in your life.” That was probably the best way that anyone thus far has summarized my fears, which is fitting since the person who said it has two young girls of his own.
Yes, I think that we probably are in for a lot of drama. In fact, when I think about two girls growing up together through the life phases, I start to get a little panicky right about when they hit adolescence. That’s pretty much the point at which I’m sure that they are going to hate me, break my heart, and Luke is going to become the sole parental figure in their lives. I’ve wallowed in the inevitability of this vision of the future for about a week now. Today, I just decided enough is enough. I need to see this as a challenge, not a certainty. I remember a while back I had heard a story on NPR about The Mother-Daughter Project. It’s a group that helps mothers form strong bonds with their daughters even before adolescence so that they can maintain a strong relationship through the toughest years. I probably need to buy their new book. Anyway, I feel renewed hope that just because I was a horrible, moody, cranky, unpleasant teenager, doesn’t mean that my girls have to be.
Oh, did I just say “my girls?” I guess I better get used to that phrase!
It's Mommy Time!
4 comments:
I love that phrase! Both of you have been "my" girls for over two years now. So, we make it three! The more the merrier! And remember, every child, every sibling "pairing" relationship, every mother-child relationship is different. No previous situations apply. I just know that MY daughter will handle it in the smartest, most logical, most loving, way...and everything will be wonderful.
Love,
Dad/Grandpa Pete
I love this post. And you are absolutely right. Your life may be full of girl drama during the teen years but let me say two things on that subject: 1)I can't think of anyone better suited to mother two teenage girls because you are one of the most rational and intelligent people I have ever known. Yours will be the loving voice that brings a sense of calm and perspective into their lives, and for that they will be blessed to have you. 2)Not all girls go through a phase where they hate their mothers. You will love them unconditionally and let them know that you value their thoughts and opinions. It is so obvious in how you parent Hailey that you admire her individuality. You are already creating a home environment in which she is free to express herself. Whether its making up silly words to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle today or ranting and raving about a boy 13 years from now, your girls will both know that their mother values their thoughts and feelings.
In case it makes you feel any better, in my house Dad was the bad guy. We didn't really like each other for most of my teens. However, when I went away to college he somehow learned so much that first year! Amazing! Now, don't get me wrong my mom certainly had her moments. (Clearly it was NEVER my attitude problem.) But, bottom line, Luke is the one who should be worried --- three women? He's outnumbered at every turn!
As someone who is living through the "drama," let me tell you that you will survive, and so will your daughters. Yes, they will try to hurt you, and yes, at times you will feel like a complete failure. But there are always glimpses of the little girls they once were and the grown women they will become to help you through it. The way I like to look at it is if my daughter didn't love me so much, she wouldn't be able to hate me so much. Hope that helps!
Post a Comment