Change is Here

I've had this blog for over 3 years now, but it's time that I move to a big girl blog with my own domain name. So, please adjust your bookmarks, RSS feeds, etc to go to... drum roll please...

Lessons in Motherhood (www.lessonsinmotherhood.com)

Don't worry, all of the old blog posts and comments will be there. I know that this is a bit of a pain, but I'm willing to bribe you. Yeah, I'll bribe you with pictures of my children. Who wouldn't want to see pictures of my children? If you want to see pictures of my children, then you'll just have to go to the new blog. See you there.

Direct TV Debacle

After weeks of intense debate and much consternation, we decided to switch from cable TV to Direct TV. One of the main reasons was to get the football games so that we didn't have to go to bars and restaurants to see them. So, today was the big day. Luke worked from home so that the installers could come over. He also had Comcast come over to get rid of our cable. You can probably see where this is going.

After checking out our three story house, Direct TV decides that there's no way to install a satellite dish on the house. Despite my husband's passionate pleas with the installation company, they say NO WAY! By this time, Comcast has already unhooked our cable. So, that's right, we are cableless. No TV. None. No football on Sunday. Nothing. I'm trying to convince Luke to leave the cable off for a month, but I don't know how well that's going to work out.

The bonus for you is that with no TV, you can almost guarantee that I'll finally get you some pictures of the girls.

OMG

How many times can my husband say OH MY GOD in a 10 minute period? Turn on Toddlers and Tiaras for him and find out.

If you are not familiar with Toddlers and Tiaras, it's a show about crazy mothers who put their daughters into beauty pageants when they are like 18 months old. Why he turned this on and started watching this, I have no idea? I've never watched the show because it's borderline infuriating. Maybe that's the joy in it??

Right now, he's just sitting on the couch screaming, "They are spray tanning their daughter, Oh My God!" It's so funny, and Luke's Southern accent impression of the people is priceless. Totally worth the price of admission!

Teething BLEEP!

Hailey: OOOOO....You said a bad word!

Mommy: I most certainly did not say a bad word, but I thought a bad word...a very bad word. I'm thinking bad words because your sister is making me crazy.

Hailey: Josie is making me crazy. Daddy is making me crazy. Are you making me crazy, Mommy?

Mommy: Ugh. I just can't win with you little people.

This fictitious conversation is brought to you today by sleep deprivation, which is brought to you by ... you guessed it... a teething 6 month old. Thanks for playing.

Greetings

Because they were still recovering from the stomach flu, Luke and Hailey stayed home from school/work yesterday. This is what greeted me when Sophia and I walked in the door:

Hailey: "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Daddy says that Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are sisters."

Awesome!

Weekend Quiz

What did the Hamilton Family do this weekend?
A. Enjoyed a playdate with friends
B. Suffered through the stomach flu
C. Spread the stomach flu to all our friends
D. All of the above
Answer: D


How many members of the Hamilton Family suffered from the stomach flu?
Answer: 3 out of 4 (Sophia we think is immune due to Mommy antibodies)


How many other families did we infect with the stomach flu?
Answer: So far 1 but could be more.

Who was patient zero?
Answer: Mommy (and she is truly sorry for all of the pain and suffering she caused)


What is the most exciting news from the weekend?
Answer: Sophia cut her first tooth, which unfortunately made her very very cranky as well.

POOP!

Ok. It's been a long time since I've written about my children's bodily functions. So, can I just take a moment to say...POOP!!! What is with Sophia's POOP? It has to be in capital letters because that's what it is...POOP! Seriously, why do we bother to put on diapers? It's almost like we put on the diaper as a suggestion of a place where she might like to POOP, but she always decides not to POOP in the diaper, but rather in some other location, like up her back, out the side, down her front. Pretty much anywhere except in the diaper. On Thursday, I got a call from school saying that she had POOPed through two outfits, and asking if I thought she might be sick. I was all like "duh...call me when she doesn't POOP through an outfit and then I'll rush her to the doctor." I mean really, it's an everyday occurence. Everyday! POOP!

Hailey Feeds Sophia = Disaster

Hailey Feeds Sophia from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

Birds, Bees, and Seeds

Tonight Hailey helped me clean the seeds out of a bunch of peppers that we picked in the garden (yes, the rain had some positives). As she was cleaning out the seeds, I explained to her all about how if we put the seeds in the ground, they would grow more pepper plants. Then, we would have more peppers, then more pepper plants. And, that is how pepper plants have existed for thousands of years. Biology lesson 101. Go, Mommy! I was so proud of myself, and the "teachable moment" that I had just grabbed and hit right out of the park.

Here's the best part. After I finished with this elaborate explanation, I asked Hailey, "what happens if we put the seeds in the ground, Hailey?" She casually responded, "They get dirty." So much for teachable toddlers. Maybe next time.

Tattle

Untitled from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

I spoke with Hailey's teacher the other day, and she happened to drop this little line... "Hailey is adjusting very well to the new classroom. In fact, she often recites the rules of the classroom back to the other children."

What?!?!? Is that or is that not the nicest way of telling a Mom that their kid is the tattle teller of the group? I mean I wouldn't have even guessed that she was trying to tell me that Hailey was a tattle teller if I hadn't just heard her tattle on herself. Yes, she tattles on herself and her sister and the dog and also the sun and any other inanimate object that happens to be around. Ouch, the chair just hurt my toe. Now, reread that last line in a whiney voice for the full effect. Be sure it takes you at least 5 seconds to get out all six words so that you really understand the extent of the tattle.

Her favorite thing to tattle on is bad words. Now, you don't actually have to say a bad word in order to get the bad word label thrown at you. You could say "there's a tree," and from the backseat, you would hear "Ooo, you said a bad word." I captured it on video because it sounds like a cartoon character is saying it. It's ridiculous, and you don't want to laugh at her because you certainly don't want to encourage her. But, honestly, can you imagine hearing that on a daily basis.

I just don't know where this tattling comes from. Ugh, Josie's knocking stuff over.

40 Days

It's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights. Ok. Maybe not exactly that long, but close enough. Our roof is leaking, our roads are flooded, our children are stir crazy, and our animals are waiting for us to build an arc. Remember last year when we were in a severe drought and couldn't water our lawns or give our kids baths? Well, Mother Nature has an interesting sense of humor because we are drowning. DROWNING!!!!!

Halloween

Guess what Hailey wants to be for Halloween?



No really, take a guess.



Got it in your head? Are you sure?



Did you guess a princess??? Don't lie. You know you did.

WRONG WRONG WRONG

Spiderman. She wants to be Spiderman. No way you guessed that. Liars.

Can I Get Some Equality, Please

Here are pictures of two products that I use every day. The first is my breast pump. Well, not my actual breast pump, but one that is newer and nicer than mine. The second is my iPhone. Now, let me remind you that I use both products multiple times every single day.

The iPhone can perform a number of amazing tasks. It takes pictures, emails people, makes phone calls, surfs the internet and much much more. Yet, even though it does all of these amazing things, it fits in the palm of my hand and weighs just a few ounces.

The breast pump, on the other hand, has to do one thing and one thing only - suck in air. That's it - one damn thing! It weighs 7 lbs and is about the size of a tissue box (not counting the oh so stylish bag it comes in).

Why or why can no one come up with a smaller, more efficient pump? Seriously, how long have women needed these things, and this is the best we can do???

If I ever make it to Apple headquarters, you'll find me at Steve Job's door... knock, knock, knock..."Excuse me Mr. Jobs, but I think you've missed the boat with the iPhone. What we really need are iPhone size breast pumps. Can you get on that, please?"

I am NOT a Pessimist

I am not a pessimist. I'm just from Buffalo. And when you are from Buffalo, you have to be a bit skeptical about your sports teams. You have to be, let's say, reserved in your enthusiasm because our teams lose. But they don't just lose like normal teams. No, they lose in the most heartbreaking way possible (i.e. wide right, goal through the side of the net, fumble with 2 minutes left). You see, they have to lose in dramatic fashion because deep down Buffalonians don't believe anymore. So, they have to play games so close and tight that we almost start to believe. We believe just for a minute. We believe because our teams put themselves into situations where any normal team (any other team) would win.

Take tonight's game, for example, with 2:00 minutes left and a 5 point lead over arguably the best team in football. Yeah, there's a glimmer of hope there. Then, in the most dramatically ridiculous fashion, they always make one (or two or three) major mistakes and thereby ruin it for all of us. In this case, a fumble on a kick return that should never have been taken out of the end zone. And there you go again, just flush those wins right down the toilet.

If you think that there is any other city in the country (even the world) that can rival Buffalo in heartbreaking losses, I challenge you. Bring it. Our city has never won a major sports title (unless you count lacrosse and who counts lacrosse?) Our city lost 4, count them 4, Superbowls. We lost the Stanley Cup because of a goal that went through the side of the net. We are cursed.

So, you see, I'm not a pessimist at all. Nope. I'm actually optimistic. Optimistic that my Buffalo teams will always find a way to lose.

And So It Begins...

Hailey and Daddy are sitting on the couch watching Star Wars (the first Star Wars not the fake first that came after the real first...if you know what I mean). Luke is trying to explain to me that he saw Star Wars in the theater at Hailey's exact age almost to the day. She's 3!!!! Must we start this already?

Of course, he totally bribed her into watching it by telling her that there was a Princess involved. Somehow I don't think that Princess Leah was exactly what she had in mind. Poor little Hailey had no idea what she was in for.

Regardless, the commentary coming from the couch is hysterical:

Hailey: Who's that?

Daddy: That's R2D2. He's a robot.

Hailey: What's that?

Daddy: That's a storm trooper

Hailey: They ride dinosaurs?!?!

Daddy: Sometimes they do

Mommy: Why does Luke Skywalker whine through the whole movie? This is teaching bad lessons.

Daddy: (Evil look...bad language implied)

"My Mom Is Really Great"

Hailey and Sophia's school was having a Read-a-Thon today. They had volunteers come in to read to the classrooms. Since I get volunteer hours off at work, I decided to go in to read some stories. I read to Hailey's class first, and as I was leaving, I heard her say to her friends "My Mom is really great because...." It was the best! Do you think I could record that and play it back to her in 10-12 years?

Oh Yes We Did!

It will probably come as no surprise to you that my husband is a little bit of a Geek. He's kind of on the low end of the Geek spectrum, but he qualifies for many reasons. I won't run through them here because most of you know him enough to not question me on this one.

So, I've accepted his geekiness and love him even more for it. However, he's never asked me to really join his Geek world...until now. And, boy did I jump in with both feet (feet in sneakers, not in elf shoes). How did I jump in? I attended Dragon Con.

What the bleep is Dragon Con, you ask. Well, it's a convention of people who dress up in costumes of various fictional characters and then go to seminars and stuff. Ok, you know what?, I don't really know what in god's name it is. I went to the stupid parade to see a bunch of people dressed up in weirdo costumes, ok? That's all. I'm not a Geek. I might be teetering on the edge of geekdom, but I've got a big toe in the real world still.

I'll admit (only because you can see in the pictures) that I let Hailey dress up in her Tinkerbell costume for the parade. That may or may not have crossed the line from giggling spectator to semi-willing participant, but we didn't march. No, just sat back and gawked. Well, gawked and played Dragon Con bingo. It was a good time, and we've got some seriously hysterical pictures. You can see them on Flickr along with my comments which I tried to make entertaining because otherwise you're just looking at a bunch of strangers dressed up in bizarro costumes and who would want to do that?

Did I Mention?

I know that I’ve already given you visual evidence that Sophia can crawl, but let me tell you something…SOPHIA CAN CRAWL!!!!! Maybe you understand how a mobile infant changes your life forever, but I’m sure that you don’t.

I’m sure that you don’t know that every time I leave her on the floor now, I have to look around the room for potential choking hazards (and Hailey’s toys provide many). I’m sure that you don’t realize that she doesn’t really want to be held as much because she’s got too many other important places that she needs to be on the floor. I’m sure that it never dawned on you that she would make a b-line for the fireplace or steps or any other inherently dangerous place whenever you put her down. Ugh.

When did Hailey crawl? Certainly not at 5 months. This is ridiculous! How do I make it stop? I guess we’re back to child proofing AGAIN!

The Saga Continues

As I'm writing this, I'm listening to my husband talk. I'm hearing blah blah blah money blah blah blah new speakers blah blah touch screen panel blah blah. So, when I thought I was in this moving the tv thing for a few hundred bucks, now we're pushing thousands of bucks. I repeat... THOUSANDS.

Do What Works

Hailey HATES having her hair combed. Have you seen some of the pictures of her hair in the morning? It's the "finger meet light socket" look so you can imagine why she hates me dousing it in conditioning spray and tearing a comb through it.

Well, one day I just couldn't take the whining and crying that accompanies the combing. So, in a stroke of pure geniusness (if I do say so myself), I invented characters - the Evil Snarl Monster and Princess Pink Comb. Yes, there are ridiculous voices that accompany these characters. I think Luke probably thought that I had lost my mind when I started doing these voices, but she is completely mesmerized. There is no longer any more crying or whining because she is totally focused on the next installment of the story. So freakin' genius.

Freedom!

Sophia Crawls from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

Sophia is crawling. May the force be with us.

Do You Smell That?

As I was strapping Sophia into the car this morning, I smelled something a little funky. I looked down and her entire front was covered with poop. Now that she's spending so much time crawling around the floor (video coming soon), she can actually explode out the back OR the front. Not realizing this at first, I didn't really notice the stain or the smell until it was too late. I don't think that it actually got on my clothes when I carried her, but I still feel like I can smell it. It's a phantom smell - a lingering gift from my youngest child that will last the whole day through.

Rearranging - The Saga Continues

Nikki's guess of completing this project by 11pm on Sunday was close, but not quite right. We did indeed stop working at 11pm on Sunday, but we are far from finished. In fact, the room itself looks like the Cable Guy came in and threw up cables and components all over. Yes, the house (not just the room) is strewn with cables, components, spare furniture, cds, DVDs, and various other random items. This makes Mommy very uncomfortable so let's just recap how we got here, shall we?

Alright maybe rearranging the living room wasn't the best idea to have on a Saturday morning, but we got an early start so what's the harm? After much haggling over the furniture placement, a call to the neighbors for advice, and a good deal of back breaking furniture movement, we finally got the room arranged. That took most of the day on Saturday and one trip to IKEA to get another table (which, by the way, was the wrong color and had to be returned on Sunday).

On Sunday morning, Luke decided to tackle the more complicated task of actually moving the TV. Of course, we have the wrong TV mount (we need one that tilts now) and no connectors or line testers and the wrong speakers and some other stuff probably that I can't remember. So, off to IKEA and Lowes Luke goes, plus he had to pick up a new TV mount from some guy on Craigs List. Four hours later he returns to our electronics graveyard of a house to finally hang the TV. Using all of the strength in my puny little arms we get the thing up there, and this is what it looks like....totally crooked. Off by I don't know how many degrees but enough that it makes me laugh out loud. No consolation to my perfectionist husband. Poor thing had used the holes that the previous owner used and didn't actually count them. Puny wife didn't have enough strength left to get the thing back down again so at 11:00pm we just gave up. There our crooked TV will hang all day while I quietly chuckle from my desk at work and steam continues to billow out of my husband's ears.

Rearrangement - Update

It's now 8:26pm, and we have been rearranging and then rearranging again for a good part of the day. I've finally gotten all of the furniture in positions that I like BUT we have not actually moved the tv. Nope the tv remains on the wall, not above the fireplace.

Ok, so we have way more furniture than we have space for because this is a much smaller house than we had in Nashville. So, too much furniture, but of course, not the right furniture. No, there are at least 3-4 new pieces that we could buy to make the room just perfect, but I told Luke he had to work with what we have EXCEPT for one key piece - a table for behind the couch. Tonight, I sent him to IKEA to buy it. Now, sending Luke to IKEA by himself is like sending him to Best Buy by himself or the farmer's market or the grocery store. Hmmm...I'm sensing a pattern here.

So, anyone want to take a guess what he came back with BESIDES the table? Yes, he remembered the table, but we are also now the proud owners of 3, count them 3, giant trees for our living room that already has to much crap in it to begin with. I wanted 1. I got 3. I can barely take care of the two plants that I've managed to keep alive since we moved here. Ok. I need to go water my plants now.

Rearranging

Luke has finally agreed to rearrange our living room. This wouldn't really be that noteworthy except that the new arrangement involves the unthinkable - mounting the tv above the fireplace mantle. Shocking, right? It's not optimal viewing, you know.

So, we are now about 10 minutes into the process, and he's already determined that we absolutely HAVE TO buy a new speaker system. Well, our speakers are floor speakers, and we need ones to go on the shelves now. Oh, and a new center channel because ours is too tall. That will never do. Why don't we just listen to the sound that comes out of the tv?, I suggest. All I got was a laugh in response. Oh the trials and tribulations of living with a geek! Or is it dork? Nerd maybe?

Mama Bear

When we got our dog, we took her to the vet and did all of the tests and shots and whatever. Well, they asked us if we wanted to have this little chip imbedded in her skin so that if she ever got lost, they could scan the chip and find our contact information. Well, I was all like "duh, of course I want that because I just made a serious investment in this critter and I don't want some overzelous animal control guy gassing her." Anywho, so they pull out this science fiction looking gun that looks like a cross between the thing they used to pierce my ears and a laser gun from Star Trek and they shoot a tiny little computer chip in her neck. It couldn't have felt good, but she seemed unphased.

Now, has anyone else been following this story about the little girl who was abducted when she was 11 and just found 18 years later??? That is just the scariest story ever. It really makes my Mama Bear instincts come flying out, and I just want to invent a little GPS tracker that I can embed into my children so that I never lose them. Yeah, you heard me. I want to Geotag my kids or GPS them or whatever the right word is. I mean, I'd only use it if they got lost. I wouldn't use it if say their boyfriend kept them out past their curfew. No, I'd never do that. Just in case they got stolen or lost or whatever. I mean it's either get the GPS shot or get locked in the basement. It's your call, girls!

ADD

I'd like to make a self diagnosis. Sophia is the youngest baby to have ADD. Yeah, ADD. The kid can't focus on anything. I can't nurse her for more than 20 seconds without her stopping to look around. It only takes the slightest noise - a sister screaming, a dog barking, a fly buzzing at the window - doesn't matter. She hears something or imagines she hears something, and she's got to stop to see what it is. I'm lucky if she releases me (if you know what I mean) before she starts swinging that little head around. So, she stops, looks around, kicks her legs a bit, smiles her big milk mustache smile, and then goes back to it. It's ridiculous. Bring on the Ritalin; we need a little focus here.

Sen. Edward (Ted) Kennedy

I can't stop watching the coverage of Sen. Kennedy's death. I've cried multiple times. For me, he was an icon for much of what I believe in. I know that many people disagree with his politics or despise the way he lived his life. But whether or not you liked him or agreed with his politics, we can all agree that the world is a very different place because he was in it. It's always these moments when I stop to wonder how the world will be different because I was here. What more can I do?

Food

As the proud parents of two beautiful girls, Luke and I rarely have a chance to go out to dinner on our own. Tonight we had the chance, and here's what I realized - food is supposed to be hot. What!??!?! Hot?!?!? No! I took the first bite and honestly thought to myself, "There's something wrong here." It took me a while to realize that the food had just come out of the oven and no one was distracting me from eating it. It was almost too hot to eat. I wanted to say to the waiter, "Hey, can you stick this in the fridge for me. I'm just not used to this whole hot food thing." What an odd experience.

Mini Vacation

The Hamilton family spent a relaxing weekend up in the GA mountains. I didn't realize how much we needed a vacation until we were there. It was a bit stressful when we left Atlanta because Hailey broke out with another mystery fever just before we left. We were all very upset about it, but felt like the fresh air would do her a lot of good. And what good it did! Hailey's fever only lasted 1 night and was gone by the time we got back from our fabulous boat ride.

Goings On

Lordy, Lordy look who's well, look who's getting bigger! The girls are all over the place these days. Aside from having her constant make-believe conversations, Hailey is also learning to write her name and to read. Here's a picture of her writing. She's great with H, A, L, and I. The squiggly letters are a little tricky, but we're working on M and D too. We've also started to read Sophia Goodnight Moon together every night. In just two nights, Hailey recognizes the word goodnight and can "read" some of the other words from memory. It's amazing how fast she picks it up.

Sophia, on the other hand, is literally all over the place. Her favorite place to be is on the floor so that she can "pre-crawl" around. This basically means that if I put her down in the middle of the carpet, then run into the kitchen to get something, I'll come back and wonder where did she go? Oh, she's just rolled herself under some unsuspecting piece of furniture. There's never a moment of being still with her. She's always reaching for something, grabbing her sister's hair, or sticking various objects in her mouth. Quite the wiggle worm.

As far as sibling interaction goes, it couldn't be better. Hailey loves to spend time with Sophia and will sit and make faces at her for 2 whole minutes, which is an eternity in 3-year-old time. We did, however, have our first sibling induced injury the other day. Hailey accidentally closed Sophia's finger in a drawer. There were tears but only minor suffering. It won't be the last time that they injure each other.

Earth to Hailey

I know that this shouldn't come as a surprise to me, but my child has an imagination of her own. It's kind of shocking. Well, it's particularly shocking when she's walking around the house talking in different voices, and I wonder to myself whether she's telling herself a story or she's just schizophrenic. I think it's probably the former unless her other personalities happen to be named Belle, Jasmine, Cinderella, and Aurora. Wouldn't that be a hell of a coincidence!

So, all of these make believe stories that she tells are hysterical and bode well for her fulfilling her mother's life fantasy of becoming a professional writer. Yes, now that we've officially declared that I'm old, it's ok for me to start living vicariously through my children. Wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, the stories are really entertaining to ease drop on, and I don't even need to hold a glass up the door of her room like I will in a few years when she's a teenager. Nope, she just tells these stories right out in the open no matter how ridiculous the voices are. It's great. Unless of course you are trying to get her attention, then you might as well be on another planet because she's far to enthralled with how Belle is going to buy the dress to go to Cinderella's wedding because Aurora pricked her finger on the spinning wheel and now Jasmine has to find her prince to save her. In an emergency, I actually have to say "stop, look at me and listen to what I'm saying" just to break the spell.

By the way, that's just another one of those phrases that you say as a Mom that you're like "oh god, did I just say that...I'm so f*ing old." I decided to go with this old thing for while. Those college kids really messed me up. Thank god I didn't go to my last reunion, I might have gone out and gotten a face lift.

Yum Yum

Sophia Eats from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

If you ever need a laugh, try feeding a newborn a food that she's never tried before. Little Sophia has been such a trooper. We've tried rice cereal, bananas, and applesauce so far, and her reaction is always the same. She is interested in what's going on, she opens her mouth expecting something great, and then she makes a face as if you just fed her gasoline. Then, she slowly regurgitates the whole spoonful back out again so that it slowly drools down her chin. The best part of the whole thing is that she opens her mouth again, expecting you to give her something better the next time, but she doesn't like anything. We just play this game over and over again until she's covered in regurgitated mush and Mommy can't take it any more.

Manic Monday

It takes the Hamilton family a total of 6, count them 6, bags to get out of the house on a typical weekday morning. It’s a wonder we ever go anywhere.

Saturday - Musically Enhanced

Hailey Dancing from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

Hailey and her friend Eryn spent some time in Marietta Square this Saturday, and what's a Saturday without a little dance? There was no music so I added some in just to make it all more entertaining!

Shot Time

It's one thing to take Sophia in to get her shots every few months. The poor little thing has no idea what is going on and will never remember all of the trauma. On the other hand, it's quite another thing to have to take Hailey in for shots, which I had to do on Friday. She totally knows what's going on, is ultra dramatic about it, and is terrified of the male nurse at our doctor's office. All in all, that's not a good combination. Regardless, shots must be had.

So, I'll skip all of the easy parts of the visit and get to the good stuff. I had kind of prepped her about the shot with some genius Mom stuff that I made up. I knew she was going to cry. What I didn't count on was her screaming and thrashing BEFORE the needle was even out of the protective casing. Her screaming set off Sophia screaming and before you know it my head was going to explode. In case you were wondering, the cure for a shot = princess sticker and lollipop.

The best part about the whole experience actually happened later that morning when she ran into her classroom, hiked up her skirt, and told all the kids in her class that she just got a shot. Yeah, she was totally traumatized!

I'm Old

Now that I drive the Hamilton Family Carpool every morning, I get to enjoy the pleasure of Atlanta traffic. That, however, is not why I’m getting old. Well, it doesn’t help. No, my premature aging is caused by the sight of hundreds of college freshmen moving into their dorms this week. What?!?! Was I ever that young? These kids look like…well, they look like kids. So, as I'm driving through this throng of horny little teenagers, I looked at my eyes in the rear view mirror and thought "I need to get some wrinkle cream or something."

Hunger Strike Ends

Well, Sophia is a stubborn little bugger sometimes. So stubborn that she did indeed refuse to eat all day yesterday. Of course, I rushed out of work immediately after updating you, my fine blog readers, on her hunger strike. I expected to find her screaming and causing a major scene at school. I burst into the room to save my poor starving baby only to find her passed out on one of the teachers. What?!?!? Where's the mass hysteria? Well, there was none. There wasn't even any urgency to her wanting to eat. I think that she was having a tummy ache and just didn't feel like eating. So, what did I do? Tried to feed her rice cereal. More on that later.

Back to the hunger strike. Yeah, it's over. She drank from her bottles at school today. Crisis averted.

The Call

A few minutes I got “the call” from the school. Every working parent dreads these calls. Now, I don’t know if “the call” is for Sophia being cranky or Hailey spiking a fever. This particular time it was the former. Sophia has apparently refused a bottle all day. They had to dump 2 of the 3 bottles that I brought…that’s LIQUID GOLD, PEOPLE!!! Ok, back to Sophia. So, she’s on a hunger strike. Why am I still sitting at work writing this blog? Well, I gave her teacher some tips on how to give her the bottle. I want the teacher to try these tips before I go running to the rescue. Also, I’m like 5 minutes away so she’s not going to die of starvation in the extra 5 minutes it takes me to write this, and aren't you glad that I kept you up to date on all of the goings on? Ok more on the hunger strike later.

First Day Jitters

Today is the first day of school in sunny and ungodly hot Atlanta. When I was a little girl (oh, God, I’m becoming my parents!), school didn’t start until Labor Day, but alas, this is the South, and we like to get a jump-start on our worst-in-the-nation school curriculum asap. If nothing else, it gives the high school students a few extra summer days to enjoy after they drop out. Ok, that was just mean. True but mean.

Where was I? Right, first day of school. Sophia was starting school for the first time, and Hailey was moving up a level and getting all new teachers. It was a very exciting day. For those of you who haven’t done this in a while, it’s not like you can just take them to school and drop them off…ha! That would be far too simple. There’s a very long list of items that you must bring for each child to put in their respective cubbies. Oh, and as if you didn’t spend enough time running around the house collecting all of these items, now you have to label them all. LABEL THEM ALL! Bust out your Sharpie, Mommy. This is not so easy with Sophia’s clothes which all have those convenient little tagless imprints on them. Hello, makers of onsies in America (or more likely China), can we please get a little tag action every once in a while? How am I supposed to Sharpie her name onto every little outfit if there is no tag? Ugh. Back up the stairs to find the three onsies with tags.

Ok, I got a little sidetracked again. The point is that I was totally and completely 100% organized (shocking, right?). Two bags packed, two bags in the car the night before. I was like the model of motherhood? Well, right up until the point where we parked the car at the school this morning, and I turned to Luke to say “I left Sophia’s milk in the refrigerator.” UGH! I mean, does the child have to eat? Fine (express that in a whine, please) back I went home again to get the milk. Thank goodness we only live 3 miles from work/school. Unfortunately, in Atlanta, 3 miles means 20 minutes. What a morning!

Oh, what about the girl's reaction to starting school? Umm...are you trying to say that it's not all about me and my morning? Whatever. They were totally fine. Hailey was one of the more adjusted of her classmates moving to the new classroom. She was all smiles this morning. She acted like she owned the joint. Pretty funny. Sophia on the other hand was a little cranky by the time I got back with the milk. Alright, so maybe she needs to eat after all. I decided to give her some Mama milk straight from the cow instead of the bottle. She passed out, and all was right with the world.

Mommy and Sophia

I know that I've mentioned before that most people believe that Sophia has red hair. I'm not one of those people. However, what I know for sure is that she looks like me in lots of other ways. That's Sophia on the top and Mommy on the bottom.

Little Baby, Big Chair

Two Girls, One Room

Last Thursday I did something completely radical...I let Sophia sleep in her own room with her sister. What was even crazier was that I turned off the monitor, and not surprisingly, she slept through the night. It's been 4 nights now! 4 nights of full sleep! Granted I wake up with boobs like giant boulders, but it's better than waking up two or three times a night. I feel like a new woman. Plus, it's just nice to have the girls in the same room. Hailey loves her sister and seems to really enjoy that they sleep near each other. It's so sweet.

Birthday Party Recap

The birthday party was a wild success, and by wild, I mean picture 10 three-year-olds running around, screaming, and jumping on all sorts of inflatable moonwalk rides in a giant carpeted warehouse. It was that kind of wild.

The party began a little bit shaky because I had misinterpreted the usage of the “party room.” Not having thrown or attended a party at this facility before, I understood that the party room was just for the 30 minutes at the end of the party when we would be having cake and ice cream…WRONG! Silly Mommy! Adults and children have free access to said party room throughout the entire 2 hours we are there. So, not having snacks in there would have been a fatal mistake, since hungry three-year-olds are akin to rabid hyenas. No problem…Mommy made a quick run to the grocery. By 15 minutes into the party, we were equipped with veggie and fruit trays galore.

By the time I returned from the grocery store, another crisis had broken out. Someone had a little peepee accident on one of the inflatables. Oh boy. This was a bit of a problem because said child’s Mommy was not prepared with an extra set of underwear, and said child refused to wear Pull-Ups. Now, the not wanting to wear Pull-Ups thing is understandable, but the not having extra undies packed is inexcusable. What a horrible mother.

Now comes the best part of the story…said Mother’s dear friend (who I won’t mention by name) kindly offered to run to the store to purchase additional undies. Unfortunately, the only types of stores in the vicinity were grocery or drug stores. Thus, she returned with giant, adult-sized Grandma-style undies (no offense to Grandmas) AND a role of masking tape. Do you see where this is going now? Several minutes later, said child was the proud owner of what we lovingly dubbed toga undies. Picture tiny child, picture giant undies, now picture how much tape would be required to get giant undies to stay up on tiny child. We’re talking serious McGiver action here. The whole thing would have been side-splittingly hysterical if it weren’t for said child’s adorably sad face. Ugh…those puppy dog eyes get me every time!

In the end, the sun and another friend saved the day by drying out the undies that her Mommy had washed out in the sink. There was much playing and fun left to be had. The store-bought cake was a wild success. We retained 5 of the 6 princesses (the other one mysteriously disappeared!) A good time was had by all and by 3pm it was all over. She certainly had a wonderful time.

More pics on the Flickr site.

Cake Controversy - Final Chapter

Well, I have to say that the cake was quite delicious except for the store bought fondant. If only our caped cake crusader would have made his own fondant (as he originally planned), I might not have had to peel it off. However, the story doesn't end with the cake from the previous blog. Nope, the stubborn mother-in-law still insisted on making her own cake, and now her own fondant, from scratch. So, while Luke and I toiled away at our respective offices on Thursday, Grandma set about to make her own marshmallow fondant. When we got home from work, this is what we found. It's a white cake with strawberry filling, oh and some of the pieces of red velvet cake that we had shaved off stuck in for good measure. It was pretty funny to have all of these cakes floating around, but the child is 3 so I suppose 3 cakes is appropriate?

In the end, we ate Daddy's cake at home on Thursday. Grandma's cake at a friend's house on Friday, and of course, the Publix Princess cake on Saturday. All in all there was much cake to be had by all, and we are all heavier for it.

The Art of Asking a Question

Hailey received a little princess song player for her birthday.  It allowed her to play DJ this afternoon.  Like any good DJ, she took requests, but only when they suited her tastes:

Hailey:  "Papa Harry, what do you want to hear?"

Papa Harry: "Maybe something from the Moody Blues."

Hailey: "No, Doody Shoes.  What Princess song do you want to hear?"

Papa Harry: "How about something from Cinderella?"

Hailey: "No, what song from Little Mermaid do you want to hear?"

Cake Controversy - Part 3

When we last left our caped-cake crusader and his very stubborn mother-in-law, the gauntlet of cake challenge had been thrown down in the middle of my kitchen. Date of the challenge - Wednesday night., one night before Hailey's birthday on Thursday. Wednesday during the day, Grandma baked four cakes. She had great success baking the cakes, but she did "cheat" by using boxed mixes. Four cakes there were...now if only we had a design by which to decorate them. Oh wait, our caped-cake crusader to the rescue, if he ever got out of work. It was 8pm before Luke got home and began, yes began, looking for the design for the cake. One hour and 50 Google searches later, he had selected a total of 25 "possible" cake options, from designs that looked like an iPhone to ones that were full scale castles. Ok, seriously? It was now 9pm, and we still had 4 naked cakes. Finally, we all agreed to scale the cake back a bit, going with a simple square cake design with a carved 3 on the top.

Luke immediately set out to carve the 3, but wait!!!! We have no cake carving knife...what kind of a house do we live in with no cake carving knife???? How can he go on? Well, perhaps a regular knife could cut it just this one time. While the 3 was being carved, my mother and I began making icing options. Oh so many icing options. First, we made cream cheese icing for the red velvet cake, but of course the cream cheese frosting couldn't adhere the fondant. Why not, you ask? I have no Earthly idea. So, on to the buttercream frosting. Wait, this recipe calls for boiling milk. If you boil milk, doesn't it scald and taste like crap? Ok, new recipe please. Uh oh, we don't have a cake frosting utensil. Ugh...this house is so not supplied for cake decorating. Perhaps we'll have to just go with a spatula or a butter knife. Can we wrestle one of those up? Yes, chef! (Probably a mistake to watch Hells Kitchen during this process)

After the cakes were stacked, carved, and frosted, it was time for the most exciting part....rolling the fondant. Luke set about coloring the fondant pink, but only after complaining that we didn't have the proper gloves to protect his delicate fingers from the food coloring. Oh, and also, I didn't buy enough fondant. Although I'll remind you that I wasn't supposed to buy any fondant at all because the Ace of Cakes was going to make his from scratch. I only really bought it on a whim as a back up. So, really I bought too much fondant if you ask me, but I digress. Back to the fondant rolling. Well, the fondant rolling was a bit anticlimactic. It just rolled out like sticky cookie dough. Unfortunately, the first time he rolled it, it was the wrong shape for the cakes - round, not square. So, back to the rolling pin he went (oh, I forgot to mention that it was a metal rolling pin and not the long wooden ones like they have on tv. I think that's item number 65 to add to our list of things we need to buy if we ever bake another cake. Sorry Hailey, there goes your college fund). Right, back to the fondant. Rolling it a second time, which was of course my fault for not buying enough, caused the fondant to crack a bit in the corners. Luckily, the expert cake-crusader gently molded the fondant back together. Well, tried to anyway. The corners were, let's just say, a bit rough. However, by midnight we had a cake that I think we were all proud of...how it tasted, well that was to be determined Thursday and will be told in the final episode of the cake controversy.

Happy Birthday, Hailey!!!

Sorry to disappoint those of you who are anxiously awaiting installment three of the cake controversy. I promise to make the cake reveal soon. However, today it's important that we take time to celebrate Hailey's birthday. I can't believe that our little munchkin is 3! There's so much that I want to say, but honestly, I was up until midnight last night helping with (and documenting) the cake creation so I am exhausted. All I can do tonight is to say that I love my Hailey so very very much. I'm so proud of her and the little girl she's becoming, and I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

Cake Controversy - Part 2

If you haven't read Part 1 of the Cake Controversy, you have to read that first or this won't make any sense...

Let me begin episode 2 by saying that I love my husband very much, and he is honestly one of the most artistically talented people I have ever met, but baking and decorating cakes are skills that have to be honed over the course of more than a week. Thus, I continued to resist his grand scheme to bake and decorate Hailey's birthday cake from scratch. Plus, as this plan was taking shape in his brain, I was watching my $40 cake savings turn into a $200-$250 deficit by the time you add up the new equipment we'll need, the multiple batches of cake supplies he'll burn through, etc.

My protests aside, Luke went to Kroger Saturday night and spent his $20 budget on supplies for a pound cake (you need dense cake like pound cake to withhold the weight of fondant). Sunday morning he starts the bake-a-thon. A few hours later my mother and I came home to what appear to be two beautiful cakes baking in the oven. I prepared to eat my words, but wait. When we removed the cakes from the oven, we found that what was a beautiful golden brown exterior was really just about a quarter of an inch of the dough which had hardened to a peanut brittle consistency about two inches above the subterranean level of half-caramelized cake batter that resembled molten lava. Immediately, I picked up the phone to call my savior - Publix. Now, why I didn’t take pictures of these botched cakes is beyond me. Probably because I was too busy looking up the number for Publix and praying I was not to late to order the cake that I had picked out in the beginning.

However, our caped, cake crusader is not finished yet. More cakes must be attempted, fondant must be rolled, decorations must be made!!!! How does the story end? I'm not quite sure. The cake for Saturday has been ordered from Publix. However, there is a battle of cakes brewing between my mother who stubbornly insists on making, carving, and frosting her own princess castle cake and my husband who wants to make a red velvet cake covered in fondant. A trip to Kroger Monday night resulted in us purchasing no less than 4 boxes of cake mix, 2 cans of frosting, 2 bags of confectionery sugar, and an oven thermometer (so that the oven can not be blamed for any resulting losses of future cakes). In a subsequent trip to Michaels, we came home with white fondant, glycerin to make our own fondant, and food coloring. I’m probably in this thing for about $100 at this point, not counting the actual cake from Publix.

Other than preparing to eat a lot of delicious cake in the future, I'm staying out of the Food Network Challenge that has broken out in my kitchen (3’ cake limit not applying). However, if this keeps up, I'm banning all cake related Food Network shows, donating all cake related ingredients to the homeless shelter, and permanently unplugging my oven. Let's hope it doesn't come to that!!!

In Episode 3, I will take pictures of the resulting cakes…whatever shape they take.

Cake Controversy

I am about to tell a story that has kept us in absolute hysterics for the better part of a week now. I hope that I can accurately capture the true absurdity of the entire situation from all angles. Names will not be changed to protect the guilty. So, just sit right back and you'll read a tale...a tale of a fateful cake.

Let me start by saying that this is the ridiculous cake that I decided to get from Publix for Hailey's birthday. I know it plays into her princess-obsession which I loathe, but can you imagine the look of sheer joy that will come across her face when she sees it? That look alone was worth the $60 for the cake (what was I just saying about our princess being spoiled?). It was supposed to be a 3-minute call...a 3-minute call!!!!

Now the insanity and the subsequent controversy surrounding the cake began on Saturday (one week from Hailey's party which is 8/1) when my mother (who is in town now) decided that we could save money if she made the cake instead of buying it from Publix. Her plan was simply to bake, frost, and lightly decorate the square cakes that make up the bulk of it and then purchase the turrets and princess dolls for $15 on Ebay. Not a bad idea considering that she is fairly crafty and has a history of baking all of my cakes when I was little. I tell her that if she can pull of such a feat, I will put the cost difference in Hailey's college savings account (hey - every little bit counts, man!).

All we have to do is get Luke to buy in to this plan...here's where it gets a bit complicated. Luke decides that he wants to make the cake himself. As my mother and I begin to resist this plan, his scheme grows ever more complex, like an elaborate spider's web that pulls you in deeper the more you resist. Suddenly, he not only has to bake the cakes himself, but they must be from scratch - no cake mixes. Also, he has to roll his own fondant (that smooth type of frosting that is used on wedding cakes) - not the fondant you can buy at Michaels but the kind he's going to make himself, from scratch! Oh, and no buying the turrets, those have to be constructed from cake formed onto wooden dowels. Princesses, of course, will be sculpted and painted by hand from fondant. Before our very eyes, the husband that I know and love transformed into Duff Goldman, the Ace of Cakes himself. I mean, if these people who have gone to engineering and/or pastry chef school, have been making cakes for years, and have professional equipment can build 3' cakes from scratch on Food Network, then of course Luke can do it right in our very own kitchen.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the Cake Controversy tomorrow...